Well, well, well, gather ’round folks, ’cause it’s time for an update on our beloved waddling warriors, the Pittsburgh Penguins, and their latest shenanigans. First off, the Pens’ big-shot defenseman, Erik Karlsson – you know, the guy with the stick and puck wizardry – caught some kind of bug and played hooky from practice. They…

Listen up, sports fans, because Elias Pettersson is playing it cool as ice when it comes to contract chit-chat, despite absolutely tearing it up on the rink this season. Yeah, he threw down the gauntlet way back in the sunny days of August, saying “talk to the hand” to any contract yammer until the offseason.…

Well, lo-and-behold, the Washington Capitals have locked down their towering centerman Aliaksei Protas, wrapping him up with a five-year, $16.875 million contract extension, isn’t that just peachy? You can bet your bottom dollar this deal’s going to slap a $3.375 million cap hit on the team’s payroll annually. The big guy’s been a staple in…

Listen up, high schoolers! Oh, sorry, scratch that, listen up everyone who can understand the delicate intricacies of NHL drama. Remember Yanni Gourde, that guy who skates around with the Seattle Kraken like he owns the place? Yeah, well, he’s just earned himself a mini-vacation – and not the fun kind. The dude got slapped…